you ever have days where you just don't care...about anything? things you used to stress over, you just don't care about anymore. dreams you've held onto for forever, you just let go. ideas that used to make nervous, excited, happy or sad....you're just not concerned with anymore. right now, that's where i am.
don't worry. it's not a terribly traumatic loss. actually, in a way, it's a blessing. i've been carrying this burden around with me for a long time; it was one of those things where it wasn't in itself "bad", but the way i obsessed over it, the way i worried with it-those were negative out-workings of this load. i had been praying long and hard that GOD would just relieve me of it, but it seemed like no matter how much i prayed, it wasn't going anywhere.
but then it did. it was one of the weirdest feelings i've ever experienced. it was a like a light-switch. i literally just stopped worrying with it. i realized that this burden i thought meant so much to me really didn't matter anymore. in a way, i was elated; at the same time, i felt dead.
yes. dead. dramatic as it sounds, that's how i've been feeling. i feel like i've been gripping this burden so tightly that now that i have let it go, i don't know what to feel. i don't know what i think about the situation. i just feel (i'm going to whip out my fancy college vocabulary here) "blah". i have far too many days where nothing is appealing; where i'd rather just stay in bed and sleep rather than live the life i've been so richly blessed with. i've been walking around in a pitiful state of mind, looking around at those who are happy and feeling sorry for myself. most days, i don't feel like getting over this mindset, i'd rather just sit and wallow in it.
we've been told hundreds upon thousands of times that we should follow our hearts, do what we feel is right. but how do you do that when you just don't care? how do you follow your heart when your heart feels dead, almost empty? how do we possibly act upon our feelings when our feelings are encouraging us to do nothing, just mope and drown in the sea of self pity you've created for yourself?
i'm convinced that you don't. as i've been working through these feelings and whatnot, i've come to the conclusion that sometimes, you have to choose to care. sometimes, you have to choose to rise above your feelings. sometimes, you have to disregard what your heart is telling you. i'm nearly positive that you can't live by what you're feeling at any given moment: you have to choose to re-channel your feelings from the negative, pathetic direction they are headed to a GOD-honoring, CHRIST-seeking pathway. no matter how dead i feel, i must find the life that JESUS promised to me through his death. i am a new creature in him, and i must live my life in light of this truth. even when i don't feel like praying, even when i don't feel like seeking him, even when i don't feel like taking my problems to him, that's what i must do. he has promised to never leave me nor forsake me...and that pledge is not based upon what he is feeling. he promises to be there for me no matter what, and as his child, i must find a way to go to him even when my heart is telling me to pull away and just "enjoy" this season of self-pity.
i must choose to care. i must choose to find joy. i must choose to find purpose.
i must choose JESUS.
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
A religion that gives nothing, costs nothing, and suffers nothing, is worth nothing...
"sexy" isn't exactly the adjective i would attach to my faith. but that is exactly what the world has turned it into. anymore, its hip to be a christain. its cool to wear a t-shirt that says "JESUS" on the chest, or carry a reusable water bottle that supports clean water for children in third world countries, or have a scripture reference tattooed on your wrist. you're *generally* not ridiculed for this sort of image and actions, in fact, if you're doing enough of the "right" thing, you and JESUS are applauded.
but that's the problem. YOU AND JESUS are applauded. JESUS isn't praised. JESUS isn't honored. rather, y'all both get a slap on the back and a "way to go, bro".
i don't have the time or mental capacity to really blog about this topic, but this guy has taken a moment to really expound upon this concept. it's eye opening. it's thought provoking. so please, read this. you won't be sorry.
seriously.
http://kyledonn.com/blog/sexy-christianity
but that's the problem. YOU AND JESUS are applauded. JESUS isn't praised. JESUS isn't honored. rather, y'all both get a slap on the back and a "way to go, bro".
i don't have the time or mental capacity to really blog about this topic, but this guy has taken a moment to really expound upon this concept. it's eye opening. it's thought provoking. so please, read this. you won't be sorry.
seriously.
http://kyledonn.com/blog/sexy-christianity
Thursday, November 7, 2013
a moment to breathe...
hello blogging world...if there's anyone left out there. if there is, i'm sorry for abandoning you. i can promise you that it was never my intention to drop blogging like a heart rock; i never wanted to give the impression that i was done with my blog like a doctor is with a dead man. i never meant to leave you and never come back, but i know it seemed that way.
but enough with whining. life happens. period. the end. blogging doesn't always fit into the schedule. but today, oh happy day, it did. believe it or not, i have found a moment to breathe. and what better way to spend such a moment than blogging? i don't know that i'm blogging for anyone but myself, but i still consider it a legit past-time.
so where have i been this past little while? where has life taken me since i last posted? i feel like so much has happened since june (sob-yes, the month of my last post!), but at the same time, it feels like nothing of great importance has occurred. important or not, you shall hear about it.
in july, i arrived home after spending two months with my big brother. i had an amazing time with seth. we are really close, and although our lives were not excessively exciting during my time up there (though the drive in was pretty thrilling! yes, i'm still harping on that. lol.), i really enjoyed my time up there. it was a nice change of pace and scenery. but, all that being said, it was so good to get home. being away from them for so long gave me a whole new appreciation for my family. i realized just how valuable the relationships i share with my family members are; it really motivated me to spend more time with my younger sisters especially, because being away made me understand just how much i enjoy my role as a big sister. i love those 4 girls to pieces, and am so thankful to be back with them and being able to hang out and make memories with them.
just a few days after making it home, i received a call from a little grocery store in town asking me to come in for an interview. i was thrilled. i had really been praying about a job, and GOD worked this out perfectly. i went in for the interview, got the job, and started working as a cashier shortly thereafter. the hours are long and tedious at times, but i can honestly say i love my job and the people i work with. i am very much a people-person, and the constant interaction i have with various customers is quite fun...most of the time. i have my regulars that come in and joke around with me. i love those type of relationships. they're something you see on tv when you watch mayberry, but having them for real, it's quite precious. :)
in august, i started a new chapter in my life: university! i started attending unf august 28, pursuing my bachelors in english while working on my minor in professional education. i am in the middle of taking 4 classes: introduction to education, literary analysis, early british literature and the art of critical reading. it's not a terribly heavy schedule (after taking 2 math classes in one semester, i feel pretty invincible! lol), but it is challenging. the papers i am writing are pretty deep, involving a heavy dissection of short stories and novels. i'm a bit of a nerd, so this stuff is right up my alley, and although it does get intense at times, i can honestly say i am enjoying myself.
unf is by no means a christian college, but i really feel like i have grown closer to GOD this semester of college than i have the past couple months. i am involved in a weekly christian club and a girls' bible study. it's awesome. i am inspired to go deeper in my faith and strengthening my walk with the LORD. the friends i have made during my short time at unf encourage me to pursue my relationship with JESUS; i have had the opportunity to witness their own faith in action, and it causes me to want the light they shine so brightly. and my blogging buddies, that is truly a blessing.
my moment of freedom is coming to an end. i am going to finish this up and head off to my british literature class. y'all come back now, ya hear? i promise i'm going to try to do better with this whole blogging thang. ;)
but enough with whining. life happens. period. the end. blogging doesn't always fit into the schedule. but today, oh happy day, it did. believe it or not, i have found a moment to breathe. and what better way to spend such a moment than blogging? i don't know that i'm blogging for anyone but myself, but i still consider it a legit past-time.
so where have i been this past little while? where has life taken me since i last posted? i feel like so much has happened since june (sob-yes, the month of my last post!), but at the same time, it feels like nothing of great importance has occurred. important or not, you shall hear about it.
in july, i arrived home after spending two months with my big brother. i had an amazing time with seth. we are really close, and although our lives were not excessively exciting during my time up there (though the drive in was pretty thrilling! yes, i'm still harping on that. lol.), i really enjoyed my time up there. it was a nice change of pace and scenery. but, all that being said, it was so good to get home. being away from them for so long gave me a whole new appreciation for my family. i realized just how valuable the relationships i share with my family members are; it really motivated me to spend more time with my younger sisters especially, because being away made me understand just how much i enjoy my role as a big sister. i love those 4 girls to pieces, and am so thankful to be back with them and being able to hang out and make memories with them.
just a few days after making it home, i received a call from a little grocery store in town asking me to come in for an interview. i was thrilled. i had really been praying about a job, and GOD worked this out perfectly. i went in for the interview, got the job, and started working as a cashier shortly thereafter. the hours are long and tedious at times, but i can honestly say i love my job and the people i work with. i am very much a people-person, and the constant interaction i have with various customers is quite fun...most of the time. i have my regulars that come in and joke around with me. i love those type of relationships. they're something you see on tv when you watch mayberry, but having them for real, it's quite precious. :)
in august, i started a new chapter in my life: university! i started attending unf august 28, pursuing my bachelors in english while working on my minor in professional education. i am in the middle of taking 4 classes: introduction to education, literary analysis, early british literature and the art of critical reading. it's not a terribly heavy schedule (after taking 2 math classes in one semester, i feel pretty invincible! lol), but it is challenging. the papers i am writing are pretty deep, involving a heavy dissection of short stories and novels. i'm a bit of a nerd, so this stuff is right up my alley, and although it does get intense at times, i can honestly say i am enjoying myself.
unf is by no means a christian college, but i really feel like i have grown closer to GOD this semester of college than i have the past couple months. i am involved in a weekly christian club and a girls' bible study. it's awesome. i am inspired to go deeper in my faith and strengthening my walk with the LORD. the friends i have made during my short time at unf encourage me to pursue my relationship with JESUS; i have had the opportunity to witness their own faith in action, and it causes me to want the light they shine so brightly. and my blogging buddies, that is truly a blessing.
my moment of freedom is coming to an end. i am going to finish this up and head off to my british literature class. y'all come back now, ya hear? i promise i'm going to try to do better with this whole blogging thang. ;)
Thursday, June 27, 2013
and this post shall suffer from the lack of a good title...
yes. i realize just how sad the title to this is. but rest assured, the content isn't nearly as pathetic. at least, i hope it isn't. you shall have to let me know, k?
first off: the drive-in movie was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. when i grow up, i want a giant, outdoor screen in my backyard! oh my goodness...i can't get over how much fun it was. we had to get there early to find a parking space, cause that place filled up quickly. anyhow, while we waited for the movie to start, seth and i sat in his truck, windows rolled down, radio on and playing music from the 50s and snacked on skittles. :sigh: it was great. the movies were also pretty good, but the outdoors atmosphere-gosh, it was perfect.
secondly: this week, i did something pretty big-i changed my college major! whoah, right? my thoughts exactly! what happened to being called to teach, you may ask (which is a very legit question!). well, it's still there. i hope to use my degree to teach some form of language arts, so i'll still be pursuing the calling which GOD has given me. i am very excited about the english major, though. the classes i will have to take are right up my alley. i love to write, so all these composition classes are going to be a welcome challenge! that's what i'm hoping, anyways.
thirdly: um...actually, there is no "thirdly". instead, i shall bow out gracefully! have a great day, y'all! :)
p.s: did y'all know that there were monopoly world championships? who knew?!?!
first off: the drive-in movie was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. when i grow up, i want a giant, outdoor screen in my backyard! oh my goodness...i can't get over how much fun it was. we had to get there early to find a parking space, cause that place filled up quickly. anyhow, while we waited for the movie to start, seth and i sat in his truck, windows rolled down, radio on and playing music from the 50s and snacked on skittles. :sigh: it was great. the movies were also pretty good, but the outdoors atmosphere-gosh, it was perfect.
secondly: this week, i did something pretty big-i changed my college major! whoah, right? my thoughts exactly! what happened to being called to teach, you may ask (which is a very legit question!). well, it's still there. i hope to use my degree to teach some form of language arts, so i'll still be pursuing the calling which GOD has given me. i am very excited about the english major, though. the classes i will have to take are right up my alley. i love to write, so all these composition classes are going to be a welcome challenge! that's what i'm hoping, anyways.
thirdly: um...actually, there is no "thirdly". instead, i shall bow out gracefully! have a great day, y'all! :)
p.s: did y'all know that there were monopoly world championships? who knew?!?!
Friday, June 21, 2013
guess what i'm doing this weekend....
....i'm crossing an item off my bucket list! no, i'm not dyeing my hair or travelling to europe<<although that would be super amazing! nope...something way better than changing my hair color, though slightly less exciting than travelling the globe: i'm going to a drive-in movie! yay! i am so excited! i've been wanting to do this for a good while, but the opportunity never arose. until now.
see, i've been spending my summer with my brother. i came home with him after my graduation party (which he suprised me by coming down for! oh my goodness...best part of my graduation!) and have been living with him for the past 2 months. well, he came home from work the other day and announced that we were going to make a trip to the drive-in. i was so excited. i didn't even know there was a drive in around here, so it made for a very nice surprise. icing on the cake: we're grabbing us some chinese food before the movies (it's a double feature!) start.
yeah. i'm pretty thrilled.
it's going to be a good weekend.
see, i've been spending my summer with my brother. i came home with him after my graduation party (which he suprised me by coming down for! oh my goodness...best part of my graduation!) and have been living with him for the past 2 months. well, he came home from work the other day and announced that we were going to make a trip to the drive-in. i was so excited. i didn't even know there was a drive in around here, so it made for a very nice surprise. icing on the cake: we're grabbing us some chinese food before the movies (it's a double feature!) start.
yeah. i'm pretty thrilled.
it's going to be a good weekend.
Sunday, June 16, 2013
smile worthy material....
...pink john deere hats.
...vintage coca-cola items.
...mango popsicles.
...breakfast with my big brother.
....future wedding plans-complemints of pinterest. ;)
....watching disney movies without anyone under the age of 12 in the room.
....the color yellow.
anything in particular y'all are smiling about today? do be a dear and share. :)
...vintage coca-cola items.
...mango popsicles.
...breakfast with my big brother.
....future wedding plans-complemints of pinterest. ;)
....watching disney movies without anyone under the age of 12 in the room.
....the color yellow.
anything in particular y'all are smiling about today? do be a dear and share. :)
Sunday, June 9, 2013
My Life...A-Z
So I ran across this really neat idea over at this cute little blog (and I must urge you to check it out!-good stuff, peoples!). I have been fairly stumped on what to blog about, so this A-Z project was a breath of fresh air.
Let's begin. :)
A//Available or Married?
Hmmm....how about neither? Haha. I am single (give me a break, I'm 18!) and I don't believe that's a bad thing. I've got Jesus, my family, friends, and a Starbuck's giftcard-I'm content. ;)
B//Books?
Shamed to say, I am not doing a great deal of reading at the moment. I am reading through the book of Matthew and Oswald Chamber's "My Utmost for His Highest" (and I certainly think that should count for SOMETHING! ;)), but otherwise, not too much happening in the area of literature.
C//Cake or Pie?
Oh.my.goodness. Not a good time to be asking such questions. I've been on a semi-healthy eating kick (I say "semi" cause this girl is still treating herself to some ice-cream!), and anymore, all I'm craving are unhealthy, empty, sugary carbs-like cake or pie. ;) Anyhooo...back to the question at hand. If push came to shove, I think I'd side with cake. Cake just covered in creamy, delish frosting. ::Sigh::
D//Drink of choice?
Sweet tea. The drink choice of every good southern belle. ;)
E//Essiential Item?
My glasses. I'm kind of blind without them.
F//Favorite Color?
Oh I don't have a favorite color. I like them all. :) I am rather partial to yellow, though. Yellow is just such a happy color.
G//Game to play or watch?
I'm pretty childish when it comes to such matters. Haha.....childish as in "Angry Birds", "Fruit Ninja", "Apples to Apples" and "Monopoly". Ok now, don't judge. They're fun.
H//Hometown?
Not something I am at liberty to disclose on the world wide web. ;)
I//Indulgance?
White chocolate mocha frappachinos from Starbucks. Oh my garsh. Love, love, love!
J//Job?
Don't have an official job, but let me tell you, being me takes plenty of hard work. It's a job in and of itself. lol.
K//Kids and names?
No...I am not married, so no, I do not have kids. BUT!-that hasn't stopped me from naming my future children. :) Currently stuck on the names Jonathan, Matthew and Kassidy.
L//Life is incomplete without?
Jesus.
M//Music groups or singers?
Chris Tomlin, Randy Travis, Tenth Avenue North, Ketih Green, Billy Joel, Casting Crowns, John Denver, :some: Taylor Swift, The Band Perry, Hank Williams Sr., Creedance Clearwater Revival..I love my music. :)
N//Number of siblings?
5 lovely sisters and a 1 lonely brother. We're a pretty fabulous group, let me tell ya! :) I'm in the middle of them all...2 older and 4 younger.
O//Oranges or apples?
Apples...even though I'm *technically* allergice to them (I know-how weird is that?). Oranges tend to be too juicy and messy for my liking. I'll stick to my tidy fruits, thankyouverymuch!
P//Phobias?
I fear failure. I fear life passing me by. I fear emptiness. I fear regret.
Q//Quotes?
So glad you asked! Just ran into a really good one tonight:
R//Reasons to smile?
Oh goodness. Family, friends, chocolate, coffee-just to name a few. God has been so good to me in my short life. I am beyond blessed.
S//Seasons?
Fall. I love the fact that there are no overwhelming heatwaves sweeping through, yet it's not stupid cold outside. Yes, fall is lovely.
T//Tatoos?
Nope. Plan to keep it that way, too.
U//Uknown fact?
I am the first college graduate in my family. Felt very blessed to be the one to claim that honor. :)
V//Vegetables you love?
Lettuce (iceberg and romaine), tomatoes, purple onions, jalapeno peppers...I like eating a rainbow of veggies.
W//Worst habit?
Soft drinks. Argh. They are my downfall.
X//X-ray you've had?
Only of my teeth. I am one of those few kids that never did break a bone growing up. I was told I had a boring childhood. :P I prefer to think of it as a less-dramatic childhood. Haha!
Y//Your favorite food?
Will I sound 5 if I say pizza? ::insert my biggest, cheesiest *no pun intended* grin:: There's very few things in life that beat a hot slice of pizza. But in the more healthier spectrum of life, I love me a good salad.
Z//Zodiac?
No clue. Don't do astrology.
And there you have it, folks! My life A to Z! I apologize for the absence of pictures...would have been nice to break all those words up. :P But my computer is not wanting me to post pictures to Blogger-and it's making me very sad. I suppose you'll just have to use this opportunity to exercise your imagination and visualize your own pictures. Yes. I know. Lamest suggestion ever. Just bear with me and my fussy computer...please?
Have a great day, lovelies! :)
Let's begin. :)
A//Available or Married?
Hmmm....how about neither? Haha. I am single (give me a break, I'm 18!) and I don't believe that's a bad thing. I've got Jesus, my family, friends, and a Starbuck's giftcard-I'm content. ;)
B//Books?
Shamed to say, I am not doing a great deal of reading at the moment. I am reading through the book of Matthew and Oswald Chamber's "My Utmost for His Highest" (and I certainly think that should count for SOMETHING! ;)), but otherwise, not too much happening in the area of literature.
C//Cake or Pie?
Oh.my.goodness. Not a good time to be asking such questions. I've been on a semi-healthy eating kick (I say "semi" cause this girl is still treating herself to some ice-cream!), and anymore, all I'm craving are unhealthy, empty, sugary carbs-like cake or pie. ;) Anyhooo...back to the question at hand. If push came to shove, I think I'd side with cake. Cake just covered in creamy, delish frosting. ::Sigh::
D//Drink of choice?
Sweet tea. The drink choice of every good southern belle. ;)
E//Essiential Item?
My glasses. I'm kind of blind without them.
F//Favorite Color?
Oh I don't have a favorite color. I like them all. :) I am rather partial to yellow, though. Yellow is just such a happy color.
G//Game to play or watch?
I'm pretty childish when it comes to such matters. Haha.....childish as in "Angry Birds", "Fruit Ninja", "Apples to Apples" and "Monopoly". Ok now, don't judge. They're fun.
H//Hometown?
Not something I am at liberty to disclose on the world wide web. ;)
I//Indulgance?
White chocolate mocha frappachinos from Starbucks. Oh my garsh. Love, love, love!
J//Job?
Don't have an official job, but let me tell you, being me takes plenty of hard work. It's a job in and of itself. lol.
K//Kids and names?
No...I am not married, so no, I do not have kids. BUT!-that hasn't stopped me from naming my future children. :) Currently stuck on the names Jonathan, Matthew and Kassidy.
L//Life is incomplete without?
Jesus.
M//Music groups or singers?
Chris Tomlin, Randy Travis, Tenth Avenue North, Ketih Green, Billy Joel, Casting Crowns, John Denver, :some: Taylor Swift, The Band Perry, Hank Williams Sr., Creedance Clearwater Revival..I love my music. :)
N//Number of siblings?
5 lovely sisters and a 1 lonely brother. We're a pretty fabulous group, let me tell ya! :) I'm in the middle of them all...2 older and 4 younger.
O//Oranges or apples?
Apples...even though I'm *technically* allergice to them (I know-how weird is that?). Oranges tend to be too juicy and messy for my liking. I'll stick to my tidy fruits, thankyouverymuch!
P//Phobias?
I fear failure. I fear life passing me by. I fear emptiness. I fear regret.
Q//Quotes?
So glad you asked! Just ran into a really good one tonight:
Most laws condemn the soul and pronounce sentence. The result of the law of my God is perfect. It condemns but forgives. It restores - more than abundantly - what it takes away.-Jim Elliot
R//Reasons to smile?
Oh goodness. Family, friends, chocolate, coffee-just to name a few. God has been so good to me in my short life. I am beyond blessed.
S//Seasons?
Fall. I love the fact that there are no overwhelming heatwaves sweeping through, yet it's not stupid cold outside. Yes, fall is lovely.
T//Tatoos?
Nope. Plan to keep it that way, too.
U//Uknown fact?
I am the first college graduate in my family. Felt very blessed to be the one to claim that honor. :)
V//Vegetables you love?
Lettuce (iceberg and romaine), tomatoes, purple onions, jalapeno peppers...I like eating a rainbow of veggies.
W//Worst habit?
Soft drinks. Argh. They are my downfall.
X//X-ray you've had?
Only of my teeth. I am one of those few kids that never did break a bone growing up. I was told I had a boring childhood. :P I prefer to think of it as a less-dramatic childhood. Haha!
Y//Your favorite food?
Will I sound 5 if I say pizza? ::insert my biggest, cheesiest *no pun intended* grin:: There's very few things in life that beat a hot slice of pizza. But in the more healthier spectrum of life, I love me a good salad.
Z//Zodiac?
No clue. Don't do astrology.
And there you have it, folks! My life A to Z! I apologize for the absence of pictures...would have been nice to break all those words up. :P But my computer is not wanting me to post pictures to Blogger-and it's making me very sad. I suppose you'll just have to use this opportunity to exercise your imagination and visualize your own pictures. Yes. I know. Lamest suggestion ever. Just bear with me and my fussy computer...please?
Have a great day, lovelies! :)
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
summertime....
summertime is here and i couldn't be more excited! after spending the last little while being caught up in all of life's crazy action, i am so excited to step back and just live. i made up a little summer bucket list and can't wait to get started on it. want take a peek at it?
summer 2013....1.go backyard camping with my little sisters.....2.beach trip with my sisters and best friends....3.coffee and shopping day with my best girl heather....4.go out for ice-cream with my 2 baby sisters....4.go see despicable me 2 with the sisters.....5.hot-dog and marshmallow roast with the family....6. read 10 by august 1st (any suggestions?)....7. movie and mall trip with my two older younger sisters.
so not too awful much...but plenty of opportunities to make some sweet, sweet memories. it's scary to think about, but this may be my last summer to really "live it up". i mean, next summer i'll more than likely be taking classes at the university, and then the next summer i'll be graduated and :gulp: out in the real world. so this summer HAS to be spectacular. i intend on taking loads of pictures, laughing lots and making tons of memories.
have a happy day, y'all! :)
summer 2013....1.go backyard camping with my little sisters.....2.beach trip with my sisters and best friends....3.coffee and shopping day with my best girl heather....4.go out for ice-cream with my 2 baby sisters....4.go see despicable me 2 with the sisters.....5.hot-dog and marshmallow roast with the family....6. read 10 by august 1st (any suggestions?)....7. movie and mall trip with my two older younger sisters.
so not too awful much...but plenty of opportunities to make some sweet, sweet memories. it's scary to think about, but this may be my last summer to really "live it up". i mean, next summer i'll more than likely be taking classes at the university, and then the next summer i'll be graduated and :gulp: out in the real world. so this summer HAS to be spectacular. i intend on taking loads of pictures, laughing lots and making tons of memories.
have a happy day, y'all! :)
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